One wild and precious life

Poet Mary Oliver took me on a existencial spiral on my 31st birthday.

Who made this world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean -
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down -
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

The Summer Day by Mary Oliver.

Last year I came across the work of American poet Mary Oliver. In her voice you can see a passion for nature and simple things, moving easily between the earthly and the divine. From an early age she marveled at the forests around her, and poetry was her way of expressing it. She did so virtuously that her work was widely recognized with the Pulitzer Price and the National Book Award.

Her selection of essays Upstream, was the first thing I read by the author, even before her poetry. I really enjoy learning about authors and the motivations behind every word and comma. Therefore, Upstream was a beautiful introduction to Oliver's lyrical work and I was able to better understand some of her poems, such as "The Summer Day", quoted at the beginning of this blog.

With the line "Who Created the World?", Mary Oliver connects us with the desire all human beings have of explaining the origin of things. It is an existential question that could be approached in many ways, but the poet does not want us to digress into answers so she leads us to the subject of her attention: "Who shaped the grasshopper? I mean this grasshopper." Before the reader can even attempt to answer this transcendental question, the author brings us back to earth.

The grasshopper in question moves instinctively and naturally, like any other insect of its species. But just when we think Oliver will continue with the narration of this little animal, once again she changes the scene and takes us into the transcendent of her inner world: "I don't know for sure what a prayer is".

The writer now compares herself with this grasshopper that called her attention in the first place. The insect, unlike the poet, does not have to worry about praying or philosophizing about life.  And she, while also moving naturally through her habitat, does not cease to grapple with issues that go beyond being "idle and blessed”. The evidence is placed at the beginning and end of the poem with the various questions that do not leave the author's mind. Questions about the mortality of beings, nature and the purpose of life.

Oliver approaches these topics with a distinguished simplicity, allowing me to empathize with her interrogations. Of all this, the line "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" challenged me in unexpected ways and her voice still echoes in my mind even several weeks after reading the poem.

Everything dies at last, and too soon

To give you a glimpse into this last year of my life, on May 2023 I resigned to my full-time job to serve God in what I am truly passionate about. And although I have experienced exciting things such as travelling around Asia for 3 months and meeting inspiring people, my faith has also been incredibly challenged. I had to let go any kind of “certainty” I had to truly depend on God.

To add to the professional and personal changes, I also went through some familiar ones. My grandmother passed away recently, my nephew of 3 years old was critically hospitalized and my sister gave birth to a beautiful niece that I adore.

After this “wild” year I completely agree with Oliver in saying that “everything dies at last, and too soon”. But not in the same way that she probably imagined when writing this poem. I have learned that everything I might have considered valuable before is not anymore. It died to me.

Today when I woke up, I turned 31 - with a bit of resistance as anyone who clings to youth - and Oliver's question echoed once again. Thanks to a conversation with my cousin, I remembered the words of Paul the Apostle, with which I identify so much today. Indeed, “whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ”¹.

Although it has been one of the most challenging and difficult years, I wouldn't change a thing. I have test that God is all I need, so I will continue to pursue his will with this one wild and precious life.

A few weeks ago someone encouraged me to write more in English, because that’s the way to improve. And that is so true! I would love to hear your comments and what do you think of this first attempt.

If you are new to my blog, here I write about faith, my personal experiences and anything that is on my mind.

1. Philippians 3:7 (NVI)